REVEALED!
Actual CIA Documents used by Bush Administration to Bolster Case Against
Saddam.
[as
acquired by Max Singer from unnamed sources]
Mr.
President: As per your request, here is the latest CIA Intelligence on
those subjects you desired. No smoking gun I’m afraid, so I really
can’t see that they’ll be of any use to you, but you’re
the Boss. And Sir, don’t forget, if the you-know-what hits the fan,
I’m always ready to take the fall. Sincerely yours, G. Tenet, Director
CIA.”
I.
Saddam attempt to purchase Enriched Geranium.
(Assessment based on following e-mail intercept 12/22/2002)
|
to:
drmombasi@botanydept.uofnigeria.edu Dear Professor Mombasi: I read with great interest in "The journal of Experimental botany" (april-may 2001) of your success in enriching geranium plants by inserting cactus dna into them, producing a hardy hybrid capable of flourishing in desert climes. These plants with their lovely yellow flowers would be perfect to conceal the ugly appearance of the barbed-wire fencing surrounding my many palaces. Could I possibly purchase a few cuttings to grow in my nursery? Sincerely, S. Hussein, “The Gardener of Baghdad” |
II.
Uday and Qusay attempts to purchase black market
Anthrax from sources in Eastern Europe.
(Assessment based on following letter found in Baghdad
residence 6/19/2003)
|
Metal
Madness Dear Q and U: Vas is upp! Got your e-mail about buying up all the bootleg tapes of Anthrax’s Nov. ’96 concert in San Diego. I put out the word. Meanwhile, I got some great AC/DC, Ironmaiden and Korn bootlegs. Interested? Mosh on, yrs. Dieter |
III.
Iragi’s ablility to ready deadly gas attack
in under 45 minutes.
(Assessment based on following excerpt from page 231 of
“I Was Saddam’s Chef”)
| “...Many
times Saddam would call at the last minute and say ‘Abdul, baby,
I’m on my way and I’m starving.’
Thank Allah he always loved my special Abdul’s Refried Fava Beans in Chili-Cumin Sauce, ready in under 3/4 of an hour. Just take 3 cups of dried...” |
IV.
Irag acquisition of lastest U.S. celestial guidance
system.
(Assessment based on letter to Tarik Aziz dated 3/22/2002)
|
Dear Tarik, I would personally like to thank you for your generous $500 donation to help spread the word of God. As a measure of my appreciation I am sending you my latest Inspirational audiotape Celestial Guidance in a Troubled World. Yours in Jesus, Jerry Falwell |
© Max Singer 2003
Contact: A Scurrilous Rag