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| VOL. I NO. 2 | THE FAITH-BASED ISSUE | SEPTEMBER 15, 2003 |
Jesus
to Protect U.S./Mexican Border Heeding the call of legions of Snakecharmers, Armageddonites and other supporters of faith-based government for Americans to call upon Jesus to protect us in these perilous times, The INS (Immigration and Naturalization Service) announced today it is planning to deploy 1000 giant plastic Jesuses along the Texas/ Mexican border in a test of their effectiveness in discouraging illegal immigration.
¶ The “Eyes of Jesus” Program was the brainchild of INS Agent Jack “Buddy” McClintock who said he was inspired by a velour portrait of The Savior which hung over his Mother-in-law’s fireplace.
¶ “Wherever I went, His eyes followed me,” McClintock said, “and I figured if it spooked me so much it’ll probably scare the shit out of those superstitious wetbacks.”
¶ If sucessful, an INS spokesman said, there were plans on the drawing board to deploy similar giant statues of overweight American tourists in baggy Bermuda shorts along the U.S./Canadian border to “keep those damned Canucks up there with the Moose, where they belong.”
ABOVE: Artist’s rendering courtesy of the AlleluiaBurton Company.
© Max Singer 2003
Contact: A Scurrilous Rag
