Conservation Plan: Ill Make
the Sun Stand Still!
Responding to environmentalist critics and other tree-huggers, Vice-president Dick Cheney announced today a plan to conserve energy by calling upon God to make the sun stand still for up to 6 additional hours daily.
¶ Extending daylight by this amount would save the average American household nearly $1200 a year on heating fuel and electricity, a Cheney spokesman said.
¶ Citing historical precedent in the Book of Joshua, the spokesman went on to add that the Cheney plan would require no additional government expenditures and would rely solely upon legislation compelling voluntary prayer vigils daily at 4:00 p.m.
¶ Blueprints for the new faith-based miracle technology were developed by a panel of prominent Christian scientists including: Professor of Christian Physics, Dr. Jerry Falwell; Professor of Christian Astronomy, Dr. Pat Robertson; and Distinguished Bush Professor of Christian Aeronautics, Dr. William Graham, Jr.
ABOVE: Dick Cheney as Helen Keller in a scene from The Miracle Worker.
© Max Singer 2003
Contact: A Scurrilous Rag